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Mass Effect 2

I came.

That is all.

So I know I haven't been posting lately...

Because I'm still playing Mass Effect, and I got Bioshock 2.

I'll write up a review of Bioshock 2 once I finish, but I can already tell you that it's really good.

AND, AND, AND!!! I will be ordering Mass Effect 2 sometime in the upcoming weeks/days.

So once I do that, and beat THAT, I can have a review of that.

Short Post today

Quick update.

I'm playing the first Mass Effect so that way I can be prepared for when I get the sequel, it's amazing, going into detail would be WWWWAAAAAYYY to difficult, the only thing I can say is GET IT IF YOU HAVEN'T.

Also, Aesop Rock is beast. More people should listen to him.

Peace!

iPatch

An iPod that covers your eye.

But anyway, the Apple iPad was announced today, basically the Apple Tablet that everyone's been talkin' 'bout.

First off, before I start giving you guys all my pennies (HAHAHAHA GET IT? IT'S A JOKE ABOUT THE PHRASE "MY TWO CENTS" HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA), I have to say something, something I'm not proud of.

I...am a screen-ist.

I am personally prejudiced and biased towards screens of a certain design.

The screen type that is the object of my PERFECTLY RATIONALE hatred is the Touch-Screen.

I HATE touch screens so much.

I don't understand why giving something a touch screen makes it more desirable. In my opinion, there is only one product that uses a touch screen well, and that is the Nintendo DS/DS Lite/DSi/DSiXL or whatever. The only reason I am okay with the DS touch screen is because it uses a stylus.

You can probably see why I hate touch screens so much, now that I've revealed how big a selling point the stylus is for me. But if you don't yet realize it, I will enlighten you:

I dislike touch screens, because most of them require you to rub your greasy, grimy, disgusting little fingers all over your screen. You end up smudging the screen, getting grease on the screen, and making the screen hard to see and use.

I have no idea why anyone would want to pay a shitload of money for an iPhone, only for it to stop looking good after about a week, when you could easily (like the Android does) give it both touch screen AND full keyboard capabilities.

But whatever.

Onto the iPad.

I'm going to sum it up for you very easily:

DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN AN iPAD, I AM BASING THIS OFF OF THE OFFICIAL SITE INFO.

The Apple iPad is a too-bog-but-too-small, beautiful, high-definition, half-an-inch thick touch screen, with all the features of an iPhone EXCEPT the phone part, and an iMac, except WITHOUT the memory abilities. Oh, and it costs $500.

First off, it's unwieldy. It's way too big, and thin. It looks like I could break it in half without even trying, or by accident. Second, there's no reason for it to be that big, when you could have a much more convenient and effective smartphone of some kind. Unless, of course, you're like, 80 or something, but then again, what the hell is an 80 year old doing with an iPad?

And also, the ENTIRE THING is a dreaded touch screen! In order to access ANYTHING it does, you have to touch it with your disgusting little fingers! It is nearly impossible to use this comfortably without touching it!

But now, let's look at what it can do:

Browser: you can use Safari, just like on your computer at home, or your smartphone can use a browser.

E-Mail: Again, computer, netbook, phone.

Pictures: Yes, because after I take a picture with my digital camera/phone, I'm going to upload it to the iPad instead of just looking at my phone/camera.

Video: You can watch movies on it, which I guess is kind of cool, except for a couple of things; if you watch movies in public, people will try to watch over your shoulder. If you watch at home, your an idiot, because you've bought an iPad instead of a DVD player.

Youtube: I don't understand why Apple gave this it's own section aside from browser.

iPod: So instead of having something you can easily slip into your pocket to listen to music while in public, you are expected to look at the album artwork the entire time, and hold it, since it's too big for your pocket comfortably.

iTunes: This is kinda cool. Portable iTunes. But then again, who actually buys music anymore?

iBook: Get a Kindle, or, and here's a cuh-razzyyy idea, READ A BOOK!!!

And the rest is just stuff you can do on a phone.

So yeah.

I understand that this is just the first generation, but come on. It really is a waste of money. Too big to be convenient on-the-go, too small to use at home, and you probably already own everything that does what it already does.

I think my uncle said it best;

Straight out of the gate, Apple said the iPad is an "in-between" device between the functionality of an iPhone and a Mac. It replaces neither. So basically it's a big iPhone with no voice calling.

What do I recommend?

Don't get it. It's too expensive, and it doesn't do enough new stuff.

So don't get it.

Unless, of course, you have some bizarre sexual fetish for Apple products.

In that case, stop reading this, go out and reserve an iPad, come back to your house, and pleasure yourself to a picture of Steve Jobs.

Ice Ice Baby Vs. U Can't Touch This

Yes, that is in fact one of the 97 original mash-ups found in DJ Hero.

DJ Hero is beast.

So let's examine it, shall we?

First off, DJ Hero is a game for all three current consoles, and features a special Renegade Edition, which comes with some extra stuff. I have the Renegade Edition for the PS3. More on that later. DJ Hero is developed by FreeStyleGames and published by Activision. It's a "Music Sim" game, just like Guitar Hero and Rock Band.

Now, that's where I paused when I first heard about it. Yes, Guitar Hero 3 was fun, but I never played after the initial thrill wore off. I could only play on Easy, and it had a big and cumbersome controller. I never played Rock Band because I can't sing, I didn't understand how to play Rock Band Drums, and I sucked at Guitar Hero. Plus, if you messed up on ANY note in Guitar Hero, the entire guitar part goes silent, which really sounds awful. And, the sound you would make playing the game oftentimes overwhelmed the sound of the actual game. The clickity clack of the keys and the strum button. And finally, I never really liked rock enough to get a permanent thrill of pretending to be famous. I could just as easily play Air Guitar, and Air Guitar doesn't require a huge fake guitar. Plus, the songs were never something new. It was just playing the same thing you already heard.

DJ Hero fixes nearly all of that. There are only 3 buttons, so when you change the difficulty, you only need skill, not skill AND ridiculous dexterity. The 97 mash ups are amazing to listen to, and incredibly fun to play. The buttons press quietly, and in fact, you don't do much button mashing. Most of the actions are either moving the crossfader, twisting the tone knob, or scratching, which is holding the button and moving the turntable back and forth rapidly and continuously.

SO!

Now that you know about the game, let's review it!

Okay, so there are some bad parts. One or two mashups are bad, "Hollaback Girl" is annoying as HELL, and the songs that require a guitar part aren't much fun. Also, some songs require RAPID movement of the crossfader back and forth from both extremes, which gets REALLY hard and complicated. And the original DJ's are the ugliest, stupidest things, I have ever seen.

The good, outweighs the bad, sooooooooo much!

First of all, the mashups=love. I actually got all of the mash-ups on my iPod, and I can't stop listening. They're original, and for the most part, they all work really well. My fave's include:

All the Daft Punk mixes

My Name Is VS Loser

Izzo VS My Name Is

Feel Good Inc VS Heard It Through The Grapevine

Ice Ice Baby VS U Can't Touch This

Day N Nite VS Boom Boom

So yeah. The venues are all amazing, and there's a lot of cool things that aren't even gameplay related in here.

The unlockable DJ's that are real life people include:

DJ Grandmaster Flash (Who also narrates the tutorial)

DJ Jazzy Jeff

Daft Punk

DJ Shadow

DJ AM

DJ Z-Trip

So yeah. Pretty impressive. Especially in the case of Daft Punk. Not only is it the two guys in full Robot Costume, but they also automatically use the big computer/drum machine thingy they use in concerts. In fact, once you unlock them, you unlock the Daft Punk Presents venue, which is the next best thing to a Daft Punk concert.

In the venue, you play seven mixes all including Daft Punk songs, and you can unlock an eighth mix Bonus Beat that is a mix of all the Daft Punk songs in the game.

Now, I told you all that I got the Renegade Edition. What separates the Renegade Edition from the regular game is;

A unique turntable (Nothing special)

A carrying case that converts into a stand (SOOO AMAZING! I can't play the game without it)

The DJ Hero Renegade Edition CD set, which includes one Jay Z CD of new/newish songs, and one Eminem CD of new/newish songs. These are especially cool because the album artwork is amazing, and the CD art makes the CD's look like old Vinyl records.

The game also features a "Party Play" mode, that let's you have the game play itself, and allowing you to jump in whenever, or just let it play and DJ your own party.

So in summation, I HIGHLY recommend this game if you like hip-hop, DJing, or the Guitar Hero games. So awesome, one of the few music games I DON'T hate.

Look at what we did/Came a long way from dirty ghetto kids...

So yeah. I've been laying pretty low lately. Downloading some music, reading a book, playing Uncharted. Average stuff. I now have a LOT more respect for professional video game reviewers, because I gotta be honest with you: No matter how good a game is, playing it Exclusively for weeks at a time makes it turn real old REAL FAST. So I may or may not move on to something other than Uncharted 2, not sure yet. I may end up playing all three of the big "time consuming" games at once, instead of in sequence.

But enough about video games.

I pause after typing that. I can feel a faint rumbling sound. I swiftly get up off my ass to look out the window, as the rumbling has gotten much louder. I look out the window. Burning rocks fall from the sky, and four skeleton horsemen ride through the skies, killing all in their path. By willingly changing the subject away from video games, I, Justin McGuire, have single-handedly caused the apocalypse.

Anyway.

I got a girlfriend, which is pretty sweet, and we're going on our first date tonight. She's taking me ice skating. God help us all.

Like I said before, I've been downloading a lot music lately. I like hip-hop a lot, and I have to say, Lupe Fiasco is one of the best rappers I have ever heard. Not only does he have skills, he also has meaning in his raps. Doujah Raze is also really good, but even though they have like, six albums on iTunes, they're still kinda underground, so good luck pirating their stuff from uTorrent or something. I also just got into Daft Punk, who are great to listen to if you have a day where you just aren't feeling any of your usual activities, and need something to occupy your mind. Oh, and I also got this hilarious song; it's an auto-tune of MLK's "I Have A Dream Speech" and it's freaking hilarious. (Better Than It Sounds) Here's the link, btw.

Just kidding.

Here it is, for real this time.

Haha, just screwing with you again.

Okay, no more lies, this is most definitely the link.

AHA!

I gotcha, didn't I!?

Just checking if you were actually watching each video, or just waiting until the end.

So the book I've been reading, and finished today actually, is "Just A Geek" by Wil Wheaton (Here is his main blog http://wilwheaton.typepad.com/ and here is his podcast at http://www.radiofreeburrito.com/)

IT

IS
AMAZING.

This book, (along with the new Star Trek movie) has made me decide to start watching Star Trek, starting with The Next Generation.

Highly recommend.

Also, the title of this post is a reference to Lupe Fiasco. It's the opening line to his song Kick, Push II.

Okay, fine.

I'll give you some poetry.

Happy?

Here.

A Thousand Sides of the Same Coin

I am an untouchable holy man,
the black sheep of the Pagans,
a lover of social animals.
Pathologically unpredictable,
I dance as if everyone is watching.
I’ve got more cents than a decillion dollar bill.
A calculator in a class on Random Matrices,
I never turn off.
I’m an OCD guy painting MC Escher.
I am the far right, the far left,
the far sight, The Far Side.
I’m your best friend disguised
as your worse nightmare.
I am the daydreamer, the poet,
the logician, the mathematician,
a magician.
I am the man in the straightjacket,
calling you crazy, with you
believing every word.
I am The Walrus,
I am The Taxman,
I am The Eggman,
I’m Nowhere, Man.
I’m a Molotov cocktail on the rocks.
I see the world through 3-D glasses,
exploding and scorching
and burning the streets.
Who cares for me? I’m nothing
but a pack of cards--
a stacked deck with a side
of loaded dice.
I am the face card of every suit--
a Jack Of All Trades,
the Club and the Spade,
the King of Hearts, without his Queen.
So shuffle me, deal me,
the chips are down, all bets are in.
But before you make that final wager,
lady, remember:
this house always wins.